


all falls down (to dust)

by Korva_Chthonic



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Depression, Drabble, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Self-Hatred, when you just see yourself in a character after a bad day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24450559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Korva_Chthonic/pseuds/Korva_Chthonic
Summary: The internal thoughts and feelings of Thor Odinson after Infinity War.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	all falls down (to dust)

Thor Odinson is a failure in every meaning of the word. For the first thousand or so years of his life he has either ignored them, shoved the blame for them off onto others, or- or some other stupid, thoughtless thing he has done to not feel that deep, burning sting that invades his insides with every breath, with every thought that slams across his mind like a branding iron, over and  _ over. _

He has failed his kingdom.  _ (Everything burns, Surtr raging in the distance as he pants heavily, guilt lining his belly- Asgardian bodies strewn about the floor of the burning wreckage of the Statesman, the Heimdall with a weapon lodged in his sternum, golden eyes unseeing) _

He has failed his family.  _ (His brother, eyes glittering with panic as the fist clenches round his throat, scrabbling frantically for breath until the fingers grow tighter and tighter- no, not Loki, please, please, he’s all that’s left- and with a snap, it is over.) _

He has failed the universe.  _ (The Titan grins- why why why didn’t he go for the head, WHY- and that sickening sound is back, that snap that heralded his brother’s demise, except now targeted towards half the universe- they’re all ash, all blown to the four corners of Yggdrasil and it’s HIS fault-) _

_ HE FAILED AND EVERYONE IS GONE. _

Thor Odinson is the kind of failure that is unforgivable, unfixable, and wishes the Titan had taken him instead. Perhaps then, Loki might have been somehow spared. Clever, resourceful, always surviving Loki.  _ (except he’s dead, everyone is dead- “No more resurrections this time.”)  _ He would have gone straight for the bloody head, and by Helheim, he had in the first place.

_ (you just had to satisfy your burning hatred and anger, didn’t you, Thor, to bring Thanos just as much pain as he had you) _

But then there is hope. After twenty-one long days, the Mad Titan is finally located. Maybe, just maybe, if he can finally slaughter that maniac properly, go for the Norns-forsaken  _ head _ , he can fix it. He can snap and right his failures, bring back the dusted  _ (so he no longer chokes on their taste on his tongue, filling his lungs with heavy lead every breath). _ He can fix everything that had gone wrong.

* * *

Thor Odinson is back from the Garden. The universe is still half empty. The voices of the dead still whisper in his ears  _ (this is your doing, your fault). _ He has gone for the head, and it has fixed nothing. The satisfaction is nonexistent, his emotions flayed raw, and he is emptied of anything save regret and self-loathing.

The dead stay dead, with Thor Odinson still the king of failures that fails when it really counts.  _ (can’t fix anything, especially this)  _

The sting is only soothed by any and all drink he can get his hands on, drowning the blazing thoughts until they are naught but a dull ache in his chest. But even then, some muddled thoughts break through.

_ (why? why was it he that was left alive? when everyone else around him just died because of his failures) _


End file.
